To put it bluntly, I don’t think that men and women can “have it all”. Not the way society currently operates at least. Society will look down on and devalue a worker who takes time off of work to be with his or her family. If a job requires a lot of extra hours to rise to the top, then parents will find it exceptionally difficult to balance work and family. The only way for one parent to devote enough time to this type of career is for the other to sacrifice their own career. Companies and government administrations don’t want a worker who will be away from the office. They want someone who will be devoted to their work at all hours of the day. This is especially biased against women, who are expected to stay home with their families.
Though, to be fair to the companies, they are paying people to be productive. If they think that the best way to do this is to shame people for giving time to their families, then they are free to do that. As Anand Iyer points out though, this does not seem to be the case. Some studies have shown that companies that are more generous allowing employees time off to be with their families. I don’t think that one way is more ethical than the other. If it is a person’s wish to work at a company with a policy they don’t agree with, then they have to deal with the consequences.
With that being said, I don’t think it is the right choice. There are plenty of valuable workers who want to balance work and family. A company that builds a reputation for being flexible with employees performing this balancing act will attract the best of those people to their company.
If I were running a company, this is the way I would run it. I would not want any of my employees to have to sacrifice the quality of their family for the sake of the gain of my company. Such success would feel tarnished and dirty. This is mainly because I know that I would personally greatly value this from an employer. I am the type of person that is not going to care as much about my job as much as I would my family. I see my career as nothing more than a way to support myself and my family. Of course, this also means that I don’t completely devalue my career. The further I can progress in my career, the better I will be able to support my family. The priority will always lie with my family though. It is difficult for me say how I am going to maintain this balance. I have never worked full-time and provided for myself. I just plan on keeping an open-mind to anything, and always re-evaluating where i am at when things get hard. After all, this kind of balancing act is not a science. It will be a series of judgment calls from one moment to the next. Anand Iyer said in his article that tech companies do a better job of this than non-tech companies, so this statement at least leaves me hopeful.
One other point that I would like to address is how people define “having it all”. Career is seen as an aspect of a person’s identity. If they are not successful in their career where they are well-known for their great accomplishments, then we view them as less valuable than other people. Why is career such a big part of this evaluation. For privileged people like myself who have access to higher education and a better career, it may be understandable to say that if I don’t use my education that I’ve let a few people down. But why can’t a less wealthy person who works as a truck driver have it all. Maybe they love their job because of how it allows travel and they are loved by their family and are genuinely happy with their life. They didn’t have access to higher education and the type of career that earns them more money. But if they are genuinely happy, don’t they still have it all. As Anne-Marie Slaughter points out in her article, there is a lack of prioritization towards family life in the work force. We revere the fervor of people who take off time from work for religion, but devalue those who do it to spend more time taking care of their kids. Perhaps I am missing the point of the conversation, but It is my wish that society as a whole would put more emphasis on family life and less on career success.
I’ll finish with a quote from Anne-Marie Slaughter’s husband, Andrew Moravcsik, that really seems to sum up how I feel about this topic, “At the end of life, we know that a top regret of most men is that they did not lead the caring and connected life they wanted, but rather the career-oriented life that was expected of them. I will not have that regret.”